Teaching Kids about Gender

These days, I have been facing a dilemma on how to separate my children's toys. I have two daughters, 4 and 3 years old, and a son who just turned one. I have been constantly reminding my girls to 'pack away', yes that's the term I use when I want them to arrange their things, their girlie stuff like clips and headbands.The other day, I've noticed my son getting her sister's headband and trying it on, and I got a bit worried. I've realized that this early, I should start teaching my children about their gender. And I got worried again. Teaching it to kids under 5 would be a challenge because their minds are too young to understand things. Well, I should wait no further, I taught my two girls a rule: Never put their hair clips, headbands and hairbrushes near or within their brother's reach. So far, they've remembered it because I could hear them talking about it when their brother is around. I guess so far, so good.

Today, my girls decided to play with their dolls. I asked them to just go up in their room and play there so that their brother would not be interested to see what they're playing with. So I just played on Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol and started watching it with my son. After several minutes, my two daughters decided to join us.

My situation may seem easy but it's really tough. I never imagined that I would be teaching my kids about gender this early on. It's a challenge because they're too young. They ask too many questions. I'm not sure if I'm worrying too much, but I'm hoping I'm doing the right thing.

Of Birthdays and Getting Old

When I was 16, I remembered my sister waking me up early in the morning to greet me 'happy birthday'. Now at 34, my sister, who is already in the United States, sent me an advanced birthday message that hit me and almost made me cry. Why? Because her message made me realize all my shortcomings: how selfish I was and how I did not care about our family before. Her message did not directly say those things. Her message was so heartfelt that it made me think about the past. With that, I began to reflect what I have become. I was sad, instead of being happy. But it was Ok because all these years I have been in denial. I used to be so idealistic, just being happy with what was given to me. I was happy when I got what I want. I didn't care about the real situation around me. Sometimes it is painful to think of the past and all that we can do is just reflect and learn from it.

I love my life now, happier and more content, not because of the material things, but because I have my husband and kids to fill in the emptiness. I used to think that having a lot of friends would make me happy. Now, I have come to realize that what I needed are true friends. I don't have a lot, as a matter of fact, I have very few. But it is better. Before, I have lots of free time and nothing to do. Now, I can't even find time for myself. Taking care of my children has become my 24-hour 'job' and I'm loving it! So I guess my life has become better. 

My Best Doctor

Last Friday, I ended up travelling 3 hours just to bring my eldest daughter to her former pediatrician, Dr. Mejia. He is a 65 year old man, although he looks younger than his age. The great thing about this doctor, aside from being our family's most trusted pediatrician for more than 10 years, is that he does not hesitate to give free samples of medicines. When I brought my daughter for a checkup (she coughs a lot only at night for 7 days already), he told me that my daughter's lungs were clear and he gave me samples of the 14 Montelukast 4mg chewable tablets that he prescribed together with Alnix (an antihistamine). He even looked in his cabinets for the other medicines while we were conversing. Compared with other pediatricians that I have consulted, Dr. Mejia, does not mind being asked a lot of questions. He explains things casually that a child's parent would not hesitate to ask more questions. I think this is the main reason why a patient may last as long as 30 minutes during a consultation. I also learned from his secretary that patients from other nearby provinces also go back to him.

Here's his contact number:

Dr. Wifredo Mejia

643-8043

Finding the Right Doctor

As a mother, I have countless panic attacks whenever any of my children is sick. Even a slightest fever or occurrence of an allergy can cause a parent to worry. Because of this, I had several experiences of going to the doctor. I have lost count already of how many pediatricians and dermatologists I met for my daughter who has skin asthma. However, I am proud to say that I have found a good rheumatologist and endocrinologist for my illnesses. 

No one is spared from being sick. That is why it is very important to seek a very good doctor. Note that the suggestions below are just from my personal experience.

1. Researching

Because of not-so-good experiences from other doctors, searching for a doctor via internet has become my habit. I had the mistake of going to a doctor whose aim is to just sell her medicines. What I do is to read on forums about a particular illness and referrals of doctor. I also look if there is any negative article about a particular doctor. These way, I minimize the chances of going to the wrong one. I also read about the hospitals where their clinics are located. I do this to check if the staff or the services of the hospital are good. So far, this has produced good results because I found my Ob-gyne and pedia-allergologist online.

2. Contacting 

One good sign of a good doctor is when he/she gives you his/her contact details. That way, you can easily contact him/her in cases of emergency or when you have some doubt about a medicine. A doctor who can be easily reached is a helpful one. It means that he/she goes beyond his/her call of duty. I appreciates doctors who replies to texts and calls immediately.

3. Accomodating Staff

A good doctor has a friendly staff. As an assistant, his responsibility is not confined to helping only the doctor, but also being ready in answering queries from patients. Some patients may have too many questions. But a good and accommodating staff knows how and when to assist patients as well. 

4. Being inquisitive and ready to answer

One of the most important traits of a good doctor is asking many questions about a patient. I appreciate that more than the quiet one. That means he wants to understand what may seem wrong about you. This way, he can make a proper diagnosis of your illness. I once had the experience of going to a pediatrician who was very quiet and just handed me the prescription after. I swore never to go back to her again. Patients pay consultation fees to know what sickness they may have. It would be better to ask as many questions as you can because that is the best chance for you to understand what you're going through.

Picture's source: http://info.whatisbluesky.com/blog/bid/267441/Will-your-new-doctor-be-a-nurse

Lessons I learned from my kids

The lessons we learn everyday shape us. Ever since my daughter started schooling a couple of months ago, I see a lot of improvements on her behavior. She's not the grumpy little kid anymore. She started caring about her siblings, and have become helpful. She may have become more talkative also. But what I am happy about are the things that she shares with me. Let me share two of those things:

1. Prayer before eating

I grew up not praying before eating. My family has never done that. My parents never taught us. So when we were having lunch one day, my daughter told me that they pray in school. And somehow, I felt ashamed. I also felt guilty for not setting a good example to my children. From then on, we would pray before eating. We would wait for everyone to be complete at the table before starting. With the food set and the family complete, my daughter starts the prayer. I am teary-eyed every now and then. I am just so happy how my little kid started one simple, yet very great change to our family. The best thing about it is how my other kids are imitating their sister. 

2. Being careful with my heart

With three kids and tons of never-ending household chores, my patience is usually short. Disciplining my children have become a great challenge because I once felt guilty of being hard on my kids. I am guilty of showing my anger when frustration hits me. One day, while being angry and almost crying because of my kids, my daughter tells me, "Ma, ang puso mo" (Mom, your heart)--she said it to me while forming a heart using her fingers. She then said that the heart gets broken when I get mad. Right there and then, it hit me. And again, I felt ashamed. I realized how my feelings tend to affect a lot of things, and my children, most specially. It's never easy to contain anger. But these days, I'm trying my best not to be that hard anymore. 

SSS ID Application for Change of Name

When a woman gets married, she needs to change her surname. This means a lot of filling in and submitting of forms to the different government institutions to get a new set of identification cards. From SSS to Philhealth, to BIR, etc. There's more difficulty involved if a woman has no company to rely on in helping her make the necessary changes. Such thing happened to me. When I got married in 2009, I did not immediately change my IDs because I did not think that there was a need to. Fast forward to 2013, with only a passport as a valid ID, I have realized that I should have done updating my records and IDs a long time ago.

A few days ago, I decided to visit an SSS office and check if their ID capturing machine is working. I went to the Ayala Branch, just across PBCom Tower, at 8:30am. There weren't many people inside, maybe just about 30 are in line for Member's Verification. I immediately saw the line for ID capturing, and I was happy to see it was working. I wasted no time in going to the bank and immediately lining up for my records to be verified. Even if the security guard was quite a snob, the friendliness of the SSS staff has compensated for the unfriendliness of the guard. The whole process, from getting the E6 form to the ID capturing, took me almost one hour. 

Let me share with you some important points when applying for the Unified ID from SSS:

1. Contact the SSS office where you plan to apply for an ID. This is because some SSS offices have defective ID capturing machines. You might waste a lot of time if you've gone there but found out they couldn't facilitate your ID application.

2. Know what forms to get and read directions before filling it in. The form E6 is for the ID application. There are instructions at the back. Better read them than make a mistake. The payment form R6 is also needed for lost cards, change of names, etc. It is to be filled in in 4 copies.

3. Bring the necessary documents. Since the passport is considered as a primary document, it is already sufficient. For applications due to change of name, the old SSS ID card needs to be surrendered. Company ids, an NSO birth certificate, and other pertinent documents can be presented.

4. Don't be afraid to ask. Ask questions to the staff or the security guard. I have noticed that questions asked to other people, other than the SSS staff and/or the security guard, might only cause confusion. You may end up making a mistake in the process. Waste no time, ask questions. It's their job to answer queries. 

5. Thank other people. It brings positive vibes, simple.

Online Banking

Online banking has made a housewife's life truly easier. Utilities and other forms of payment, though may be limited, can now be done online. With just a good internet connection and enough fund, banking has become accessible. As they say, 'with just a click of a button', it's done! I availed of BPI, Unionbank and BDO. Let me compare them*:)

                 

Accessing the online banking facility of BDO is the easiest among the three. Even though, I have forgotten my username and passwords several times, it's very easy to retrieve them or get one through their customer service. The icons and other 'clickable' buttons are easy to understand. Very 'masa' as they say. One can also get cellphone loads easily by just enrolling one's number. The usual banking activities of paying, sending money, or even requesting for a checkbook can be done on their site. Although these can also be availed with the other banks, I think BDO's site is the friendliest and easiest to navigate.

                                         

I use this bank's online facility because of their tie-up with Paypal. When I was still using Paypal with BDO, there was almost P200 deduction from my money. With Unionbank, I can withdraw my whole salary, without deductions!** However, whenever I need to pay bills, their site asks for a transaction password (this is different from the log-in password). I think it is quite a hassle, although I understand that it is just an additional security for one's account. This site is usually unavailable, sad to say. Aside from that, I don't find their customer service perky enough to accept calls. The person who I talked to yesterday needed a lot of pronunciation training:( If not for Paypal, I would not avail of their online banking facility. Their site is usually unavailable also.

I just got my log-in details and password from the BPI customer service. I had to wait for more than 10 minutes to be connected. I guess that was just a short wait compared with the time that I usually have to wait to be connected to the PLDT 171. But that's another story:) Anyway, I liked the color of the icons in the website. Since there were a lot of icons/buttons to choose from, I think it is their bank's way of offering a lot of services. I think 80% of bank transactions can be done on their website. Really offering a lot to their customers. I believe that it is also their way of introducing their products since online applications are readily accepted.

RANKING:

1. Based on the website's look: BDO, BPI, Unionbank

2. Easy navigation: BDO, BPI, Unionbank

3. Customer Service: BPI, BDO, Unionbank

*Comparison is based on personal experience.
**These does not include the paypal fee.

Lessons of Motherhood

I have a baby boy and two kindergarten girls. It was a personal decision not to hire a nanny anymore. As much as I want to have a lot of free time for myself, hiring a nanny can cause more problems than not having one. I get to take care of my kids, from feeding to bathing, to teaching and playing with them. It is really an enjoyable experience for me. I used to have a lot of free time, now i have none. Even though it is physically draining at times, it is emotionally fulfilling in the end. 

Below are some of the things I have learned from being a mother:

1. Each child is an individual.

Children are different from each other. To avoid comparisons which can turn into bouts of jealousy and hatred among children, always remember that each child is an individual. I believe that aside from inheriting some of the characteristics of parents, children have their own inborn attitudes. Although we may want to control our children most of the times, we should remember that we cannot always impose what we want. Do not expect that because one of your children behaves a lot, the other child will also do the same. Since each child is an individual, observe and understand a child's behavior, and accept him/her as is.

2. Parents should listen to their children.

Children may usually experience difficulty in expressing themselves. Aside from the challenge of developing their speaking skills, children may have difficulty in expressing because of their environment. They may feel that no one is interested to listen to them or they may be afraid of being criticized or being made fun of. Parents need to listen to their children. It will improve their confidence in speaking. It will motivate them to share more of their ideas, stories and comments. It may also increase their feeling of worth as a part of the family. Children will be more open to their parents, thus minimizing hiding of secrets.

3. Laugh and play with them.

A parent who takes his/her time in playing and laughing with the children have happier children. It strengthens the bond between a parent and a child. It may also increase the emotional quotient of the child. When we laugh and play with our children, they will feel the importance that we give them. It will also contribute in how they value themselves as a person. Remember, anything good that we do with them, they will treasure it for a long time.

more soon:)

Malls on Holy Week

from https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images

I am becoming a fan of the blog chuvaness.com:) I find it informative. I am liking it more now than FashionPulis.com. Anyway, i just read the mall schedules for the holy week in chuvaness.com. Somehow, I realize that going to the mall has become indispensable for most people. I, myself, like going to the mall. Now that I am a housewife, I miss it a lot. It may seem selfish of me to think about it now that i have 3 children to look after to. But don't get me wrong. I would not trade my 3 energetic kids for that:) 

During the holy week, on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, all malls are closed. It is a sacrifice for some people who love spending time inside the malls. When I think of it, I feel guilty of thinking of it as a 'sacrifice', when in fact, it should not be seen as one, since it's 'just going to the mall'. I have noticed, that during this time of the year, people would flock to the mall to shop and buy their groceries. It's funny how a lot of people would wait for the long queue in the cashiers of department stores and supermarkets. I mean it's just two days of not having the 'usual' things that we enjoy. So we may not be ready to 'sacrifice' after all:) Again, don't get me wrong, I asked my husband to go to the supermarket awhile ago *.

*This is written on Holy Wednesday

Happy Sunday

When you do something, do it with love

20 Ways to Get Good Karma

• 20 Ways to Get Good Karma

  1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  3. Follow the three R’s:
  - Respect for self,
  - Respect for others and
  - Responsibility for all your actions.
  4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
  7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  8. Spend some time alone every day.
  9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
  think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
  15. Be gentle with the earth.
  16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
  20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

  http://www.spiritualnow.com/articles/25/1/20-Ways-to-Get-Good-Karma/Page1.html

  • Dalai Lama
  • karma

  • 3

    
    

All about Skin Asthma

My eldest daughter was diagnosed with Atopic Dermatitis (Eczema/Skin Asthma) when she was six months old.  I remember that it started with a round, pink patch on her cheek. When I first showed it to our pediatrician, she said it was ringworm. So she prescribed skin ointments for it. Three months have passed, and my daughter's skin patch just worsened: it became a fresh-like wound. It was not easy to look for a good doctor. Luckily, I was able to meet a young and friendly dermatologist. She prescribed Physiogel, Elica and an anti-histamine for my daughter. It worked! She told me that my daughter cannot eat seafood, chicken, eggs, citrus fruits, etc. So i asked myself: What am i going to feed her? One great challenge for kids with skin asthma is the limitation on food. But being a mother, I did not listen to the doctor and just gave what my daughter wanted. So she continued eating chicken and seafood.

Several months later, when she ate chicken from KFC, her skin asthma re-appeared, and it became really worse. She was itchy all over, rashes all over her body, and her face was covered with patches of dried wounds. What was worse, her hands were so itchy, it became wet and wounded. It was really hard to describe. I remember bringing her to the doctor, she was having difficulty moving, specially her hands, and she was crying. The people were looking at us, thinking that she has severe chicken pox. When the doctor saw her, she said it was still skin asthma, and it just became worse. She prescribed mixing Physiogel and another ointment, and taking Celestamine. And it worked again! 

Looking back now, my daughter still has skin asthma, but not that worse compared before. Her skin becomes dry and flaky when the weather changes. She still eats seafood but on a limited basis. Since we have moved to the countryside, I decided to change doctors. She is now under the care of a pedia-allergologist. According to the doctor, who is very nice and accommodating, my daughter can eat chicken. She conducted skin tests to know which food she is allergic from. It showed that she is allergic from eggs. So she doesn't eat anything that has an egg ingredient in it. Aside from Celestamine, she prescribed using Dove Sensitive and Petroleum Jelly to her entire body every day.

For now, everything seems to be fine. Her skin asthma has become manageable so far. I hope it stays that way.

Part time Online English Teacher

Aside from being a housewife, I am also an online English Teacher. This is my part time job. I've been working for my company for 3 years. I used to work for a Korean company. Now, I'm working for a Japanese company. The difference: Japanese are more polite than Koreans. But don't take it negatively as this is just my personal opinion. I teach using Skype and usually work from 20:00 to 23:00. I also have two morning classes, from 8:30-9:30. Working at home is not easy since I have small children to take care of. Luckily, my two daughters already understand the need to give me peace and quiet during my work. I just have to think of my son, and I just need to make sure that he is already asleep when I work. Aside from teaching business English, I make materials for the class. My boss in Japan sends me books to read and instructs me to make lesson plans after. I also correct students' business letters and essays. 

It's not a very difficult job. It's quite fulfilling in a way that I do not need to work outside anymore and leave my kids. The salary that I am receiving is almost the same as the usual salary paid to office workers. In addition, I appreciate that my boss is very understanding and kind. That's the main reason why I am still working in the same company for 3 years, given that it's only a part time job.

What kind of parent are you?

Parents only want the best for their children  A mother knows best. These may sound cliche. And kids these days may say, "Oh, I've heard of that before" ("Narinig ko na yan"). No matter how much explaining a parent does, kids would just realized the truth of these words when they become parents themselves. My decision to be a stay-at-home mom was brought about by my mother's lack of time for me and my sisters. When I still think about it now, I still get teary eyed. I don't blame my mother. Maybe she had her own reasons. What I have become was brought about by my decisions in life. It would be unfair to blame my mother for my own shortcomings. When I became a mother, I told myself that I would devote my time to my children. It was never easy to give up my job. I have dreamt of it several times. I wished I could have done some more things when I was working. A lot of what ifs, but it's ok.

Now that I have three children, balancing my time for them is never easy. I also have my bouts of anger and frustration. Life is not perfect you know, and it will never be. When my kids do not listen, I also shout. When they do not follow, I also get angry. When they commit mistakes, I also get frustrated. But it's ok. Being a mother is all about acceptance. Accepting the flaws of your child would make you love him more. I discipline my kids by the 'face the wall' method. You see, when they have become too hardheaded, I ask them to stay in one corner and face the wall. At that time, I deprive them of anything. It's hard to see them crying. But I want them to realize that they cannot always have it their way.

It is easy to say that 'I am a parent'. What is more challenging is "I am a good parent". And in the end, it is only our children who can judge us in the end.

That Conversation

With three children, my husband and I are still trying to divide our time equally for our kids. It is not easy, and will never be easy. Sadly, our own relationship as husband & wife has to take a backseat for the sake of the kids. Last night was different...

I don't remember anymore the last time we talked about 'us'. And I was a bit teary-eyed last night because for the longest time, we talked about the past and the present. Our relationship was never perfect. Until now, I am asking him to just be honest and admit his cheating in the past. He still doesn't want to admit it. But i realized that it didn't matter at all. For what is more important is 'now'. Admitting something will not change anything. So you may ask why i still bothered to make him admit. My answered would be "Wala lang" Oh the stupid me! It's just that whenever I ask him that, we'd talk about the happy and sad things of our relationship, and we would just laugh like kids:)

Then I realized, our relationship has become stronger. I am happy that I married someone who's willing to listen and share stories with me:)

The Girls: KK & CC

I am a mother of 3. Two girls and one baby. Raising them has been very challenging. When I was still single, I told my then-boyfriend-now-husband that I wanted 6 children. At that time, I thought that raising kids was just very easy, meaning I would just feed them and bathe them, etc. I never realized that being a parent is a big responsibility. Fast forward today, I thank God I don't have 6 children. I am already happy with 3! Now that the kids are growing up, yes, they grow up so fast!, I am now facing bigger responsibilities. You see, I worry a lot. And because of all the negative news these days, I worry for my two girls. I've been praying that they would always be safe and strong. 

Yesterday, since it was my eldest daughter's birthday last March 19, I promised that I would bring her to Jollibee. But I realized it would be heartbreaking to imagine leaving my other daughter, I decided to bring her also. Yesterday was the first time to go somewhere with my daughters alone. Since I've become a housewife, I don't go out that much anymore. KK, the eldest, was quiet, remembering all the things I told them like "Hold my hands", "Don't talk to strangers", etc. All along, she was just quiet, looking around, excited to be out of the house. CC, the second, was so hyper. She was jumping while walking, not holding my hands, and trying to walk away from me to see what else was there to see. It became so stressful for me. It was too difficult that I wished my husband was with us. But he decided not to join because he wants to take care of our son at home. So I was left with the two girls. 

In the end, when we reached home, I was happy to see how happy they were with our short trip. In my mind, I had hope that they would grow up faster, so that I don't have to carry either one of them:) It has made me realized also that I cannot impose all the things that I want them to adhere to. I also saw how different they are from each other:)