Let me begin by saying that my journey to finding myself is still halfway. I still feel lost sometimes, but not compared before. Why was I lost? I felt that I didn't know what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do things. I am a mother, I have 3 kids, I have a good husband. Maybe you'd ask, 'why should you be lost if you have a happy family?' Good question. The answer: 'I don't know'.
Was it because of my religion? Am I not praying hard enough? As I began to ask questions, I slowly understood how I was focused more on what I wanted to get, instead of what I was willing to give. I always expect other people to give me something. I was lost because I refused to give a part of me. And with that refusal, I never learned that there was something positive about me. I hated myself a lot of times. I was focused more on what material things I can have to enjoy. Even if I go to church to hear mass, I go just for the sake of doing so, not really for my spiritual development. Maybe, that's why I got lost. I refused to give myself wholeheartedly to God. I refused to believe. Well, I believe, but not a 100%.
I know it's still a long process. And life has many things to offer. I am more hopeful now. I look forward to better things now. Well, I guess, I'm not really lost anymore, or maybe I just forgot. The unraveling of things in the past months have helped. And with that I was content.
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