The Joys of Raising Children

Who doesn't love kids? If there's one thing I learned from having a family, it's the happiness brought by raising children. I got pregnant almost every two years. Sure there were regrets that I am not really ashamed to admit, but love blossoms when you bear a child. I now have a 5 year old, a 4 and a 1 year old. I don't have a nanny also. When I see news about children being maltreated by people you thought you could trust, it breaks my heart. Even if I wanted to pursue a career outside my home, I have begun to accept that raising my children is now my career. Here are some things I have learned so far:

1. Children are different from each other. It is a challenge not to compare kids. But I think that there will always come a time that comparisons will be made. My husband and I discuss our children by ourselves, making sure that the kids would not be hearing anything. Yes, we compare, but we make sure that we put utmost attention to the behavior/characteristic that needs improving.

2. Children are intelligent individuals. I have noticed and learned that the approach to learning should be adjusted on the needs of the kids.One child may require a lot of information and explaining to do when he/she asks a question,while the other may not. Kids ask the simplest question and a parent's job is to answer it as truthfully as he/she can.

3. Children needs attention. In my case, the challenge happens when one kid after another demands attention. Sometimes, one kid asks a question, while another tries to tell a story, while another starts to cry because he hurts himself. It's crazy and fun at the same time. It is the parents' responsibility to give attention to the children. They feel loved and appreciated by the acceptance and approval they get from their parents.

4. Polite words matter a lot. Kids do and say silly things. However, it is always up to the parents on how their children will grow up. Teaching words of politeness is my priority at home. I've always believed that polite words hone a person's character and it will always be seen on how he/she deals with people until he/she grows up.

5. Discipline with love. With three children and a never-ending pile of housework to finish, I always end up getting easily irritated by mess and fighting. I do 'face the wall' or 'time-out' strategies to make kids understand what they've done. However, I always see to it to explain to them the mistake they have done. It's true that sometimes they are too young to understand, but the hugging and apologies that comes after are what usually makes my heart melt.

Jan 27th

When death strikes in a family, everything falls apart. I lost my mother from cancer. It was a Monday, 6:00 a.m, also my sister's birthday, January 27. It was the most painful and unforgettable experience for me. I still remember even the littlest detail on that day. I felt lost and alone. I tried to convince myself that she just went abroad and was never heard from again. Tough times. I decided to quit my job because I couldn't bear the pain and I realized that the only way for me to accept everything is to just do nothing. Even if I have tried my best to move on, it seemed the most difficult thing to do. 11 years later, I am still trying to rebuild myself. I have tried my best to be a good mother and wife,so that she could be proud of me. I am trying to be the mother that she wasn't. Yes, the opposite. My sisters and I grew up not receiving all that love and guidance that most mothers give to their children. This pain never leaves me and I promised myself that I would not be doing the same mistake to my children.

Teaching Kids about Gender

These days, I have been facing a dilemma on how to separate my children's toys. I have two daughters, 4 and 3 years old, and a son who just turned one. I have been constantly reminding my girls to 'pack away', yes that's the term I use when I want them to arrange their things, their girlie stuff like clips and headbands.The other day, I've noticed my son getting her sister's headband and trying it on, and I got a bit worried. I've realized that this early, I should start teaching my children about their gender. And I got worried again. Teaching it to kids under 5 would be a challenge because their minds are too young to understand things. Well, I should wait no further, I taught my two girls a rule: Never put their hair clips, headbands and hairbrushes near or within their brother's reach. So far, they've remembered it because I could hear them talking about it when their brother is around. I guess so far, so good.

Today, my girls decided to play with their dolls. I asked them to just go up in their room and play there so that their brother would not be interested to see what they're playing with. So I just played on Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol and started watching it with my son. After several minutes, my two daughters decided to join us.

My situation may seem easy but it's really tough. I never imagined that I would be teaching my kids about gender this early on. It's a challenge because they're too young. They ask too many questions. I'm not sure if I'm worrying too much, but I'm hoping I'm doing the right thing.

Of Birthdays and Getting Old

When I was 16, I remembered my sister waking me up early in the morning to greet me 'happy birthday'. Now at 34, my sister, who is already in the United States, sent me an advanced birthday message that hit me and almost made me cry. Why? Because her message made me realize all my shortcomings: how selfish I was and how I did not care about our family before. Her message did not directly say those things. Her message was so heartfelt that it made me think about the past. With that, I began to reflect what I have become. I was sad, instead of being happy. But it was Ok because all these years I have been in denial. I used to be so idealistic, just being happy with what was given to me. I was happy when I got what I want. I didn't care about the real situation around me. Sometimes it is painful to think of the past and all that we can do is just reflect and learn from it.

I love my life now, happier and more content, not because of the material things, but because I have my husband and kids to fill in the emptiness. I used to think that having a lot of friends would make me happy. Now, I have come to realize that what I needed are true friends. I don't have a lot, as a matter of fact, I have very few. But it is better. Before, I have lots of free time and nothing to do. Now, I can't even find time for myself. Taking care of my children has become my 24-hour 'job' and I'm loving it! So I guess my life has become better. 

My Best Doctor

Last Friday, I ended up travelling 3 hours just to bring my eldest daughter to her former pediatrician, Dr. Mejia. He is a 65 year old man, although he looks younger than his age. The great thing about this doctor, aside from being our family's most trusted pediatrician for more than 10 years, is that he does not hesitate to give free samples of medicines. When I brought my daughter for a checkup (she coughs a lot only at night for 7 days already), he told me that my daughter's lungs were clear and he gave me samples of the 14 Montelukast 4mg chewable tablets that he prescribed together with Alnix (an antihistamine). He even looked in his cabinets for the other medicines while we were conversing. Compared with other pediatricians that I have consulted, Dr. Mejia, does not mind being asked a lot of questions. He explains things casually that a child's parent would not hesitate to ask more questions. I think this is the main reason why a patient may last as long as 30 minutes during a consultation. I also learned from his secretary that patients from other nearby provinces also go back to him.

Here's his contact number:

Dr. Wifredo Mejia

643-8043

Finding the Right Doctor

As a mother, I have countless panic attacks whenever any of my children is sick. Even a slightest fever or occurrence of an allergy can cause a parent to worry. Because of this, I had several experiences of going to the doctor. I have lost count already of how many pediatricians and dermatologists I met for my daughter who has skin asthma. However, I am proud to say that I have found a good rheumatologist and endocrinologist for my illnesses. 

No one is spared from being sick. That is why it is very important to seek a very good doctor. Note that the suggestions below are just from my personal experience.

1. Researching

Because of not-so-good experiences from other doctors, searching for a doctor via internet has become my habit. I had the mistake of going to a doctor whose aim is to just sell her medicines. What I do is to read on forums about a particular illness and referrals of doctor. I also look if there is any negative article about a particular doctor. These way, I minimize the chances of going to the wrong one. I also read about the hospitals where their clinics are located. I do this to check if the staff or the services of the hospital are good. So far, this has produced good results because I found my Ob-gyne and pedia-allergologist online.

2. Contacting 

One good sign of a good doctor is when he/she gives you his/her contact details. That way, you can easily contact him/her in cases of emergency or when you have some doubt about a medicine. A doctor who can be easily reached is a helpful one. It means that he/she goes beyond his/her call of duty. I appreciates doctors who replies to texts and calls immediately.

3. Accomodating Staff

A good doctor has a friendly staff. As an assistant, his responsibility is not confined to helping only the doctor, but also being ready in answering queries from patients. Some patients may have too many questions. But a good and accommodating staff knows how and when to assist patients as well. 

4. Being inquisitive and ready to answer

One of the most important traits of a good doctor is asking many questions about a patient. I appreciate that more than the quiet one. That means he wants to understand what may seem wrong about you. This way, he can make a proper diagnosis of your illness. I once had the experience of going to a pediatrician who was very quiet and just handed me the prescription after. I swore never to go back to her again. Patients pay consultation fees to know what sickness they may have. It would be better to ask as many questions as you can because that is the best chance for you to understand what you're going through.

Picture's source: http://info.whatisbluesky.com/blog/bid/267441/Will-your-new-doctor-be-a-nurse

Lessons I learned from my kids

The lessons we learn everyday shape us. Ever since my daughter started schooling a couple of months ago, I see a lot of improvements on her behavior. She's not the grumpy little kid anymore. She started caring about her siblings, and have become helpful. She may have become more talkative also. But what I am happy about are the things that she shares with me. Let me share two of those things:

1. Prayer before eating

I grew up not praying before eating. My family has never done that. My parents never taught us. So when we were having lunch one day, my daughter told me that they pray in school. And somehow, I felt ashamed. I also felt guilty for not setting a good example to my children. From then on, we would pray before eating. We would wait for everyone to be complete at the table before starting. With the food set and the family complete, my daughter starts the prayer. I am teary-eyed every now and then. I am just so happy how my little kid started one simple, yet very great change to our family. The best thing about it is how my other kids are imitating their sister. 

2. Being careful with my heart

With three kids and tons of never-ending household chores, my patience is usually short. Disciplining my children have become a great challenge because I once felt guilty of being hard on my kids. I am guilty of showing my anger when frustration hits me. One day, while being angry and almost crying because of my kids, my daughter tells me, "Ma, ang puso mo" (Mom, your heart)--she said it to me while forming a heart using her fingers. She then said that the heart gets broken when I get mad. Right there and then, it hit me. And again, I felt ashamed. I realized how my feelings tend to affect a lot of things, and my children, most specially. It's never easy to contain anger. But these days, I'm trying my best not to be that hard anymore.