Sibling Rivalry

Source: yummymummyclub.ca

Having 3 kids is fun but crazy. There's shouting, crying, fighting, and more almost everyday. It's not really difficult to calm a crying child when he hurts himself. It's a greater challenge when more than one child cries because he's fighting with another sibling. The University of Michigan Health System defines Sibling Rivalry as 'jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters'. It is true that it is one of the most common challenges of being a parent. There are even countless articles on how to address it. Each parent has his own style in handling this when tension happens. What I am going to discuss will include real situations and how I have tried my best to resolve them.

1. Sister A tells me, 'Mama, i love you' then hugs me. Sister B upon seeing it walks out and goes to the corner of the room almost crying.

What I did: I called on Sister B, talked to her, and assured her that I love her too. I then told her that we love each one of them, and that she has nothing to feel sad about.

--I think kids have a tendency to feel sad and be left out when they see one of their siblings express gratitude or love towards one parent. Kids' emotions are usually seen as shallow, but parents should not ignore this. Kids are very sensitive. They have this constant yearning for love, and as parents, it should be our top priority to make them feel loved and appreciated.

2. Sister A and B fight over shoe color. Mama bought shoes for the 2, pink for Sister A and blue for Sister B. Sister B wants the pink one, but the size doesn't fit her. She cries and gets mad.

What I did: Since I couldn't really exchange the shoe colors because of the shoe size, I just let Sister B cry until she stopped. I put the shoes back in the box, talked to her and told her the many beautiful things that are also color blue. Next thing I noticed, she was wearing the shoes already.

--Kids have a tendency to not listen sometimes no matter how hard things are explained to them. In addition, even if a parent tries his best to keep his cool, it will not be enough in the end. I believe that kids should be allowed to cry at their hearts' content. They will eventually get tired anyway:) After that, they are more willing to listen.

3.  Sister A is busy drawing and Sister B wants to join. Then Sister A shouts at Sister B so that the latter will stop bothering her, and this makes Sister B cry.

What I did: I told Sister A that what she did is wrong and asked her to apologize to her sister. I told her to talk properly to her sister and should not shout at any of her siblings. I then told the other kid to also apologize to Sister A for bothering her, and to look for another toy that she could be busy with.

--Kids also want their privacy to be respected. It's wasn't easy to apprehend Sister A because she was just busy and quiet all along. But the fact that she shouted at her sister didn't spare her from being scolded. 

4. Sister B is busy playing with a toy and Brother A, upon seeing it, gets excited and suddenly grabs the toy. Sister B tries her best not to let go of the toy and this made her brother cry.

What I did: I talked to the little boy and told him to get another toy. He's in a stage where he wants to get anything he likes. This happens most of the times. I sometimes let my boy get what he wants, but when I say no, it's final. I just let him cry.

--Fighting over a toy is one of the most common reasons why siblings fight. I experience it everyday, and honestly, I'm beginning to get used to it. I try my best to be patient as possible, to be calm, even if I'm bombarded with other responsibilities at home. In the end, I just explain things to them and let them be emotional about it. Maybe they'll cry for 5 minutes or even more, and again, I will just let them. I've realized that if I will always give in with what they want, what will happen when they grow up?

Parents should never get tired of explaining things to their children. Time is really the most precious gift to give them. When we listen and talk to them, we are already making most of our time for them. Even at our busiest, let's make it a point to be with them at their happiest and most emotional/loudest crying moments. Kids grow up fast and I'm happy that i'm not missing anything so far:)