On Getting Married...Again

One January morning, over a cup of coffee, my husband and I decided to get married again, but this time in a church. We got married in civil rites in 2009. I thought that was enough. I love attending church weddings because of the solemnity of the event. We didn't get married in church back in 2009 because I didn't want to. The problem has been with me-- I didn't want to prepare because I know how stressful the planning process would be. And so, fast forward to 2015, after realizing the importance of a church wedding and the eagerness of once again professing our vows in front of our family and friends, and, after 6 years and 3 kids, we have decided to have a church wedding on June 12, 2015.   

We initially wanted April 2015 because it summer and we're hoping to hold it in Marinduque. When we had a our family's short vacation there last December, I fell in love with the simplicity and the cleanliness of the environment. However, I've realized the difficulty of travelling back and forth to process and prepare everything. So we decided to hold it in Manila.

The Church: 3 Choices

a. Saint Francis of Assisi in Mandaluyong

b. Pinaglabanan Church in San Juan

c. Annunciation Parish in Cavite

Since I am not based in Manila anymore, I thought that holding the ceremony in the first two churches I have been familiar with would be easy. It wasn't the processing of the documents that became the challenged. It was the fact that my husband and I cannot go out because no one will look after our 3 kids. We realized that we cannot rely on other people to look after them. To solve the problem, we decided to have the wedding instead near our house. The church is just 10 minutes away from our house. On our first visit to inquire about their wedding, we even brought our 3 kids--that somehow made it memorable.

                                                               Annunciation Parish

For the other things to prepare for, I made a list of the most important things in a wedding. Since we're on a budget, we need to value every penny spent. Here's the list:

1. Church

2. Reception

3. Caterer

4. Photography

5. Make-up artist

6. Attire

7. Invitation

8. Souvenir

9. Cake

10. Transportation

Details on the above list will follow:)

The Time I Got Lost

Let me begin by saying that my journey to finding myself is still halfway. I still feel lost sometimes, but not compared before. Why was I lost? I felt that I didn't know what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do things. I am a mother, I have 3 kids, I have a good husband. Maybe you'd ask, 'why should you be lost if you have a happy family?' Good question. The answer: 'I don't know'. 

Was it because of my religion? Am I not praying hard enough? As I began to ask questions, I slowly understood how I was focused more on what I wanted to get, instead of what I was willing to give. I always expect other people to give me something. I was lost because I refused to give a part of me. And with that refusal, I never learned that there was something positive about me. I hated myself a lot of times. I was focused more on what material things I can have to enjoy. Even if I go to church to hear mass, I go just for the sake of doing so, not really for my spiritual development. Maybe, that's why I got lost. I refused to give myself wholeheartedly to God. I refused to believe. Well, I believe, but not a 100%. 

I know it's still a long process. And life has many things to offer. I am more hopeful now. I look forward to better things now. Well, I guess, I'm not really lost anymore, or maybe I just forgot. The unraveling of things in the past months have helped. And with that I was content. 

. 

Teaching Kids about Faith and Death

Kids ask anything, and everything. It is sometimes exhausting to answer all their questions, that I usually end up and is also guilty of saying, 'You'll understand it more when you grow up'. As much as I want to explain everything, one answer leads to another question, and another, and another. Questions such as 'Why is Jesus dead?', 'Is Jesus dead?', "Who is God?", 'Where does a baby come from?', "Where is Granny 1 (my mother) and why did she die?' have been asked to me by my eldest daughter. It was not easy for me to answer her because I do not even know how to simplify the answer. 

A few months ago, in a book sale, I found this book that costs less than a hundred. The title of the book is I Know He Is There. The book aims to teach kids about faith. It became handy for me because I usually end up explaining questions about faith and death through this book. The main point of this book is that as long as a child believes in something, it is still present in his heart even if he doesn't see it. Below is an excerpt: 

  'When I fold my arms, and bow my head to pray, I can't see Heavenly Father, but I know He is there.

   I can't hear Him, but I know He hears me thanking Him for all my blessings.

   I can't see Him, but I know He sees me, and watches over me.

    I can't touch Him, but I know He is there....'

Written by: Rebecca Gundersen Thornley

Sibling Rivalry

Source: yummymummyclub.ca

Having 3 kids is fun but crazy. There's shouting, crying, fighting, and more almost everyday. It's not really difficult to calm a crying child when he hurts himself. It's a greater challenge when more than one child cries because he's fighting with another sibling. The University of Michigan Health System defines Sibling Rivalry as 'jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters'. It is true that it is one of the most common challenges of being a parent. There are even countless articles on how to address it. Each parent has his own style in handling this when tension happens. What I am going to discuss will include real situations and how I have tried my best to resolve them.

1. Sister A tells me, 'Mama, i love you' then hugs me. Sister B upon seeing it walks out and goes to the corner of the room almost crying.

What I did: I called on Sister B, talked to her, and assured her that I love her too. I then told her that we love each one of them, and that she has nothing to feel sad about.

--I think kids have a tendency to feel sad and be left out when they see one of their siblings express gratitude or love towards one parent. Kids' emotions are usually seen as shallow, but parents should not ignore this. Kids are very sensitive. They have this constant yearning for love, and as parents, it should be our top priority to make them feel loved and appreciated.

2. Sister A and B fight over shoe color. Mama bought shoes for the 2, pink for Sister A and blue for Sister B. Sister B wants the pink one, but the size doesn't fit her. She cries and gets mad.

What I did: Since I couldn't really exchange the shoe colors because of the shoe size, I just let Sister B cry until she stopped. I put the shoes back in the box, talked to her and told her the many beautiful things that are also color blue. Next thing I noticed, she was wearing the shoes already.

--Kids have a tendency to not listen sometimes no matter how hard things are explained to them. In addition, even if a parent tries his best to keep his cool, it will not be enough in the end. I believe that kids should be allowed to cry at their hearts' content. They will eventually get tired anyway:) After that, they are more willing to listen.

3.  Sister A is busy drawing and Sister B wants to join. Then Sister A shouts at Sister B so that the latter will stop bothering her, and this makes Sister B cry.

What I did: I told Sister A that what she did is wrong and asked her to apologize to her sister. I told her to talk properly to her sister and should not shout at any of her siblings. I then told the other kid to also apologize to Sister A for bothering her, and to look for another toy that she could be busy with.

--Kids also want their privacy to be respected. It's wasn't easy to apprehend Sister A because she was just busy and quiet all along. But the fact that she shouted at her sister didn't spare her from being scolded. 

4. Sister B is busy playing with a toy and Brother A, upon seeing it, gets excited and suddenly grabs the toy. Sister B tries her best not to let go of the toy and this made her brother cry.

What I did: I talked to the little boy and told him to get another toy. He's in a stage where he wants to get anything he likes. This happens most of the times. I sometimes let my boy get what he wants, but when I say no, it's final. I just let him cry.

--Fighting over a toy is one of the most common reasons why siblings fight. I experience it everyday, and honestly, I'm beginning to get used to it. I try my best to be patient as possible, to be calm, even if I'm bombarded with other responsibilities at home. In the end, I just explain things to them and let them be emotional about it. Maybe they'll cry for 5 minutes or even more, and again, I will just let them. I've realized that if I will always give in with what they want, what will happen when they grow up?

Parents should never get tired of explaining things to their children. Time is really the most precious gift to give them. When we listen and talk to them, we are already making most of our time for them. Even at our busiest, let's make it a point to be with them at their happiest and most emotional/loudest crying moments. Kids grow up fast and I'm happy that i'm not missing anything so far:)

The Sweetest Things

I appreciate thoughtfulness a lot. I have always expected my husband to be thoughtful, but of course, he's the complete opposite. But I still love him anyway. I have realized that love isn't always about giving in to what others expect of you. Over the past few days, upon my conversations with different people, all of them have told me how lucky I am to have my husband. As I pondered on these, I've realized that I have failed and ignored what has been in front of me for a long time--I have married a very loving husband.

Below are some of the great things he has done for me. Sharing love and good vibes to all, please read on:

1. When I was pregnant with our first child, he took it upon himself to assist me in anyway that he can to accomplish what I needed to do before my comprehensive exams. He talked to the professors and borrowed books on my behalf. Even going to school with me and waiting for me inside the library.

2. He made sandwiches for me. He would wake up early in the morning to give me my 'baon' for work. 

3. He would make my coffee and prepare my breakfast. As I always have succeeding classes, he would make sure that I would be able to grab my favorite mug while working.

4. He would take his day off even if it was not really his day off. When I go out with friends, he would not go to work, and he would look after the kids. He allows me because he knows how difficult it is to just stay home and do everything.

5. He would cook for me. I remember craving for 'guinataan halu-halo'. He bought all that he needed for it and cooked with gusto. 

more soon:)

What I Need to Do

Christmas is fast approaching. When one has kids, it becomes the most anticipated event of the year. I now have this sense of urgency to plan something special for the kids. They're expecting Santa Claus to come for their gifts. And somehow I've realized to do these things soon:

1. Decorate the house. We only have a small Christmas tree, but despite that, I think I should add more decorations for the home. Kids are happy to see decors in different forms and colors. I am actually thinking of DIY project for the kids. Sounds exciting.

2. De-clutter. I think one of the most important things to do before the holidays is to get rid of clutter. Kids will soon have new toys and books, and old toys will soon be ignored. Easier said than done! But i'll try:)

3. Prioritize. It's cliche to include 'SAVE UP' in my list. During Christmas, expenses double and no matter how hard we compute it, it'll end up most probably negative. I think parents should learn to prioritize. It is already a given for kids to ask for anything they want, plus the fact that we also want something for the house or for ourselves. Nevertheless, I think prioritizing what we need to buy over what we like or want for now would make a big difference in our wallets.

What are your plans for the coming weeks? Goodluck!

I Need a Lift

What make a person happy? We are happy because of our family, career, money, friends, etc. Definitely a lot of answers, right? However, let's admit it that there are days when we feel down. Life isn't fair after all. So what do you do to put a smile on your face? Below are some of the simple things that I do to get that needed lift.

1. Christmas songs. While writing this article, I am listening to a medley of Christmas songs because it lifts my mood. I get to sing along with it. It reminds me of good memories and love. Some may even agree that a Christmas song brings a positive vibe. It brings the warmth of close family relationships and friendships.

2. 'I love yous'. After a day or even in the middle of doing a chore, I usually get stressed to the point of crying. An example would be cleaning and arranging my living room so that I could comfortably sit on, but then kids start to disarrange everything again and turns the room into a mess. What follows would most probably be a shouting/scolding parent and kids who'd just run around and ignore me. I experience that every day. It gets quite tiring and depressing but when a kid suddenly hugs you and says 'I love you', the anger just disappears like nothing happened. Same thing happens when I just cook the food they like or give them their favorite juices. Kids have this unexplained source of charm that turns everything positive.

3. Writing. There's something therapeutic about it. I used to have a lot of journals before, but for some reason, I have lost it, or maybe I should just do some thorough cleaning of the house soon. One of the main reasons why I write is because I want my children to be reminded of the lessons that I want to instill in them. When kids are too young, they have many questions. Even if a parent tries his best to answer them, kids may not still understand them. One of the first things I've written about in my new journal is about my career path.

4. Conversations. Isn't uplifting when you have that one person who'll listen to you without judging you? When I recently had a falling out with a friend, I really felt bad about it. My husband was there to listen to me, I think that was just enough to make me feel better.